Recovery is messy too. Tons of laundry...done, or so I thought. Why do diarrhea accidents happen right after I finish all the sheets and clothes for the day? The neglected house is what I have to work on next. And the shopping. And the decorating. And the baking. And the cooking. (Ella's first birthday is tomorrow.) And keeping up with the cranky girls. Alayna now arises between 10pm and 12am. When our bodies make bad sleeping habits, we feed into them. Over and over. Two nights now has screamed for super long stretches. She is just having trouble falling back to sleep once she turns over. Have you ever had that happen?
As I type this morning, I'm delirious. I saw the clock at 11:15, 11:57, 1:13, 2:23AM! Finally I went out to the couch (which I never do) in a desperate attempt to start over and try again and sleep. Somewhere between 3 and 6am I slept.
My heart and my mind would not stop racing. My body was limp and exhausted. But I couldn't make the leap into dreamland. One of my many, many thoughts was that maybe my mind races because I hardly talk to adults during the day and when Billy arrives home it's chaos. No time to get these thoughts out before bed. Then, I was thinking that this was only partly true. Perhaps, what the real problem is I don't take my thoughts and daily frustrations to the Lord. He cares about my chaos...why do I not talk to Him about it? Crying, fights, dishes, laundry, pee, poop, mess. The Lord cares and wants to hear from me. He wants to hear me trust Him. He wants to hear me put my faith in Him that He will provide the energy and strength I need. He wants to hear me say He is able to take care of me. Today, with three hours of sleep, I feel HEAVY (and woozy). But I feel so HEAVY I have dropped to my knees already in prayer.
(And when Billy left for work, his tummy hurt.)
